


Petty Revenge

by ThatFuckerTucker



Category: A - Fandom, Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Its an au of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:45:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFuckerTucker/pseuds/ThatFuckerTucker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically Clara wants to spite her family and goes on Craiglist where she finds an add posted by someone called The Doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Petty Revenge

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you like it! I have no idea where the inspiration for this came from. Pretty sure it was from a craiglist add I saw on the internet...anyway, enjoy!

Her phone rang, she glanced at it, knowing who it was.

_Dad._

The words glared at her as she ignored the call. Her father had been asking regularly to invite her for dinner but she had declined. She had made excuses; countless of them. The typical 'I'm busy', 'I can't go' and just a week ago, she used the 'I'm having dinner with my boyfriend' excuse.

The phone rang again and she picked it up this time.

"Dad! Sorry, I didn't have my phone on me."

"You seem to not have your phone on you lately..."

She cringed at that and he continued. "I called to tell you to come to the Thanksgiving dinner... And bring your boyfriend. You better be here or else I'll come there."

"No,no, no! I'll.. I'll come." She sighed tiredly, rubbing her eyes as she settled the book closed besides her.

"Good, well, I'll see you here at 5:30 sharp.. and the chap too." He hung up and Clara put the phone down, glaring at it.

She couldn't ask any of her male friends because they already had plans with their families or girlfriends. _Maybe I should browse the internet?_ The idea seemed good enough and Thanksgiving was just four days away. _It's worth a try._

She browsed for an hour and was about to give up when she found a headline that caught her attention.

_"Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? Thirsty for revenge?"_

She raised an eyebrow at that, a smile forming on her lips and clicked on it.

_"I'm a 56/57 years old man (I mean, that's how old I look by human standards). I own a blue vehicle of sorts, a tank and a Harley Davidson, got it from America. Nice ride. I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 - 1,000 depending on if I shave. I work for the government and travel a lot. If you'd like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you to torment your parents, I'm game._

_I can do these things at your request:_  

  * __Openly hit on any female guests while you act like you don't notice.__


  * _Start instigative discussions about politics, religions, scienc_ e, _music, literature, etc. I am very knowledgeable._


  * _Propose to you in front of everyone._


  * _Pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on. (Sorry, I don't drink, but I used to. A lot. Too much, to be honest. I know the drill.)_


  * _Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbours to see._



  _I require no pay but the free meal I will receive as a guest!"_

"Well, this certainly looks like what I'm looking for." She said aloud as she sent a message to the mysterious man, asking him to meet her at a cafe she rarely went to and she gave him her personal email address in that message.

She started deleting spam and regular emails when a new one came through.

\----

_From: The Doctor (thedoctorxii.@gmail.com)_

_To: Clara Oswald (oswald.c.@gmail.com)_

  _Subject: Meeting_

  _Hello,_

  _Just got your message. That cafe looks fine. Wear a red shirt or a top, whatever goes on your torso, so I can identify you quickly. I'll be around 8 there._

  _Got to go!_

  _-The Doctor_  

\----

It was a cryptic message but to the point, she liked that. She turned off her laptop and went grocery shopping, she couldn't wait to meet this so called "Doctor".

* * *

 

As she waited on a table outside for The Doctor, Clara glanced at her phone once again. It was 8:13. Perhaps, he wouldn't show up and this was all a scam or something? Rolling her eyes for even agreeing to meet a stranger, she started gathering her stuff when a really noisy motorcycle parked a few feet away from her. 

In it, was a lean man, wearing Dr. Marten's shoes, plaid trousers, a hoodie and a rather elegant jacket over it with a red lining inside. She couldn't see his face because he still had the helmet on. It was those kind of helmets that covered your entire face.

Then she remembered. The man she was supposed to meet said he had a Harley Davidson and the man that was currently a few feet away from her had one. She held her breath.

The Doctor took off his helmet and passed a hand through his grey hair. It was disheveled anyway but he didn't cared that much about it.

Jumping off the motorcycle, with the helmet under his arm, he made his way towards the girl wearing the red top.

"Clara Oswald?" He asked setting the helmet on the table and already taking a seat.

"Yeah, you are The Doctor?"

"Yes." He nodded as he crossed his arms and rested them on top of the table.

"Doctor Who?" She asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Exactly. Anyway, let's get down to business."

She blushed, a bit insecure about the whole ordeal. "Well, I do want to torment my parents' a little bit and would like you to be my platonic date for Thanksgiving. If my calculations are correct, we've been dating for six months."

He nodded, stroking his chin. "Right. Is this serious?"

"Let's say that yes, it is.... I've got a question...are you Scottish?"

"Yes. Why, you don't like the accent?"

"I do like the accent, quite sexy." She blushed at that and The Doctor smirked.

"Well, we appear to have some chemistry...as far as having chemistry with strangers go. Do tell me what you expect from me and what I can and can't do...and tell me things about yourself in case your family starts asking questions." He said as he took out a small notepad and a pen from his pocket.

"Are you seriously going to write that down?" She snorted.

"Yes, if you want to really torment your parents, I've got to know anything relevant about you."

"Okay, okay, so, here's the thing...."

She started relaying some information about her love life, what she liked and what she didn't and when and where he had taken her out to dinner (not true, but that's what she had told her father), among other things.

When she was finished, she peeked at his notepad and noticed some words she could understand and some drawings with circles and lines through it.

"Nice drawings, you weren't paying attention, Doctor." She scolded.

"Oh, but I was. It's just written in Gallifreyan."

"Oh, okay." She supposed 'Gallifreyan' was the equivalent of 'Elvish' in another fandom, perhaps.

They said their good-byes and The Doctor said that he would be in contact with her in case anything happened.

She watched him go on his motorcycle with a smile in place. He seemed quite...alien. She couldn't put her finger on it. Plus, the fact that he was really dashing, in a sort of rebel way, was a huge bonus. He was certainly eye-candy. With those thin long fingers, penetrating blue eyes, those thick eyebrows and the fluffy hair...yes, he was quite a catch.

However, she had to remind herself that this was only an arrangement, she wouldn't see him again after that...although she could do something about that.

* * *

  
Clara was sitting on the sofa, while her father and her stepmother sat in another. Her gran comfortably stitching on a rocking chair.

Her dad and Linda were talking to her but she couldn't stop glancing at her phone. Would he even come?

"Excuse me, I'm going to make a phone call." She went upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom and called The Doctor.

The phone rang three times until he picked up.

"Yeah?"

"Doctor, it's me. Are you coming?"

"Uh, coming where?"

She groaned. "Thanksgiving! I gave you the address!"

"Oh..." She heard some shuffling on his end and waited. "It's the year 3057 where I am now...and another planet... I'll be there in five."

"You better." She said and hung up, deciding to ignore what he said about the year and the other planet. It seemed that he might be a bit nuts.

She went downstairs and checked the turkey and heard a wheezing-groaning sound that came from the outside, then a few seconds later a knock sounded on the door.

"I'll open it!" Her dad said, ready to rise.

"No, I've got it." Clara said as she breezed past him and opened the door.

She didn't even have time to scold him for being late because The Doctor had already picked her up in a soul-crushing hug.

"I've missed you." He said loud enough for his audience to hear as he set her down on her feet.

Clara had enjoyed the hug, that much was true, but she also had a part to play.

"I've missed you too." She grabbed his face and pulled him down to give him a kiss. She had been low-key waiting for that. It was a simple kiss, but after ending it, they both opened their eyes and gazed at each other. She noticed that his eyes now seemed darker, the pupils dilated.

The moment was broken by her dad clearing his throat. She blushed and turned around to face them, The Doctor's hand clutched in hers.

"So..this is my boyfriend, dad."

Linda was already eyeing The Doctor with an appreciative eye that Clara didn't liked, while her gran just smiled knowingly.

"Well...what's his name?"

"He's The Doctor." She said as she looked up at The Doctor for help.

"Oh, another weird kink you've got, it seems? Apart from the 'DILF' one?" Said Linda.

"No kink-shaming, Linda." The Doctor tutted. "I prefer to be called The Doctor, if you don't mind...or you can call me John Smith...though I won't answer to that name."

Clara chuckled at that and he smiled down at her.

"Well, he's my dad, she's my step-mom and this is my gran, now can we eat already? I'm pretty hungry." Even though she phrased it as a question, it really wasn't one, as she was already dragging The Doctor to the kitchen.

"I didn't think _that_ kind of public display of affection was in the deal." He said, referring to the kiss.

"Well, we never discussed it but if there's an opportunity we should take it, no? That's what I was taught anyway."

He shrugged and drew a chair for her to sit and then he sat besides her as her dad and grandma got busy in the kitchen, Linda already looking at the suspiciously.

Clara gulped and reached over under the table for his hand, grasping it tightly and he gave her a nice squeeze, bringing it to his lips to place a soft kiss on her clenched fist.

“That skirt looks lovely on you, sweetheart.” The Doctor said, playing his part, but Clara blushed anyway.

“Thanks, I thought you might liked it since it sort of goes along with your blue car.”

The Doctor chuckled, remembering he had written on that add that he had a blue vehicle. It was great to see that she remembered that and it was utterly adorable that she had jumped to the conclusion that it was a car. _Oh, humans._

“It does. I'm using it now if you want to have a ride. My bike is in the shop.”

Right then, Linda decided to join the conversation, her beetle eyes trained on him. 

“Say, how did you two meet each other? Did she went to an Antiques shop and got you there?”

The Doctor laughed and shook his head, a bemused expression on his face as he looked at Clara. She was right, this Linda person was horrible and downright rude.

“Unlike your husband and you, we didn't meet there. We actually met at a bookstore-” he said, relying effortlessly the information Clara had fed him, but he tweaked some things, simply because he couldn't exactly remember. “-she was reading an erotic book and I was walking by. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. Then I remembered she tried to put the book back on a high shelf when she saw me, isn't that right, dear?”

He gave her his most charming grin and Clara wanted to slap it off his face. _An erotic book!? How dare he!?_

“It wasn't an erotic book but yes, that's exactly what happened. He helped me put it back in place.” She looked adoringly at him and she found that she didn't have to act that much.

“She always changes that part of the story.” He said with a roll of his eyes. “I asked her out for coffee and she said yes...the rest...well, it's history.”

Clara had also told him to be vulgar and swear occasionally, but she hadn't told him in what context so he would deliver.

“Then after a few dates we got to know each other intimately. She's pretty good in bed and she's taught me many things. Especially other uses for ties such as-”

“Right!” Said her dad as he clapped once to gather their attention. He was red in the face and glaring daggers at The Doctor who only looked back at him as a child who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Dinner’s ready. Clara, kindly help your gran.”

“But dad-” at one stern look of her father, she stood and gave The Doctor an apologetic look. As she turned away, The Doctor slapped her ass and at her look of surprise,he simply winked at her.

Turning back to Clara’s dad and step-mom, he had to admit that at least _one_ of his hearts had stopped beating. The look they were giving him was of pure hate. He made Clara’s dad and step-mom hate him which was what Clara wanted anyway. He had to teach her dad a lesson.

“Yes?”

“Are you Clara’s sugar daddy?” Linda asked and he frowned and looked down at himself, eyebrows knitted together.

“As you can see, I am not made of sugar nor am I a father or anything…”

All he got where incredulous looks from the pair. So he cleared his throat.

“Sorry, what's a sugar daddy?”

Her father snorted, unamused. “You don't know what that is? It's an old guy who gives a young woman money consistently in exchange of sex, her company, some loving, whatever you fucking call it.” He whispered furiously.

“Oh.” The Doctor laughed and shook his head. “I haven't even got a tenner in my name, I'm afraid. I'm just a man who likes to travel an an explorer, if you will.” he looked down at himself and righted his jumper. “Actually, this is _exactly_ the same outfit I was wearing when we met.” That wasn't a lie.

Just when Clara came back with her gran, her dad turned towards her. He was mad but also confused. _What was this man playing at_ , he asked himself.

“Clara, do you need any money? Is that why you are with him? You know I can always help you if that's the issue, as long as you leave this man.” Dave glared at The Doctor again and he in turn, looked up from the plate of food Clara had set in front of him, only to grin at her dad.

“No, dad. I love him, I really do, isn't he the most adorable man on Earth?” she asked as she reached to pinch his cheek.

Normally, The Doctor would have slapped her hand away but he had to remain in character.

“Well, on Earth...guess you're right. Because there are many galaxies where, I assure you, I am not the most adorable man...or parallel universes if you will.”

Her dad scoffed, digging hard into his turkey.

“Parallel universes...such rubbish. That's just a theory!”

“It's not just a theory! I know first hand that parallel universes exist. Way past your time..or is it ahead? Anyway, humans will discover that they exist.”

Dave rolled his eyes, he was already so red in the face that Clara thought his head would explode.

“You talk as if you will outlive me.”

“Oh,I'm certain I will.” The Doctor replied cheekily and suddenly her dad stood up from the table and lunged at The Doctor.

The Doctor yelped and landed on his back, still sitting on the chair as Dave leaned over him, hands on his throat and choking him.

“I've had it with, you fucking Scottish piece of shit!”

All The Doctor could hear was Clara’s screaming as she tried to reason with her dad and take the heavy man off of him as he tried to pry Dave’s fat fingers away from his throat.

“That's kinda racist.” The Doctor wheezed. Being an alien and all, meant that he had certain advantages over humans. Instead of struggling anymore, The Doctor reached over for Dave’s forehead and with great effort, he tapped it, effectively sending the man to sleep.

Dave started snoring soundly on top of The Doctor and he pushed Dave off of him while Clara went to check if he was okay.

She touched his face, angling his face away to take a look at his neck -no marks were found.

“Doctor, are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yes, yes, just a wee bit stiff. It'll pass...about your dad...he'll be sleeping for a while.”

Linda was fussing over Dave and decided to call the police so they could arrest John. Somehow, Clara trusted that he hadn't done anything harmful to her dad. Clara dragged him to the kitchen where she found a plastic container and filled it with food for him, then gave it to him once she was at the door, ready to see him off.

“Thank you for coming. You were just as annoying as I thought you were going to be.” She said with a smile and kissed his cheek.

The Doctor was not obliged to be in character now, so he dipped his head, trying to hide a blush.

“It was my pleasure...would you...like to see my ride? Let's see if the colour of your skirt really matches my vehicle.”

“Sounds good.” Clara walked besides him as they chatted and he made jokes at her dad’s inferior knowledge, compared to his until the reached a blue box.

Clara crossed her arms over her chest, biting her lip and looking at him sideways.

“It’s just a box.”

The Doctor chuckled, his eyes twinkling with excitement, he loved to see people's reactions when they noticed that it wasn't just a box.

“Open the door.”

Dubiously, she reached for the handle and gasped when she looked inside, her features turning from doubt to amazement.

“How can...how can this be?” She said as she walked inside, The Doctor following suit.

“Timelord technology.” He said simply, still holding onto the plastic container.

“This is amazing.” She said but quickly walked back out to look at it from the outside, circling his blue box and trying to wrap her mind around what she had just discovered.

The Doctor in turn, waited for her to come to the front again as he reclined against the door. “It is...You've said you wanted to travel the world...I can give you that, if you wish.”

Clara bit her lip and shook her head. She had way too many responsibilities here and she couldn't abandon them. “No, thanks...I’ll pass.”

The Doctor smiled sadly down at his feet and nodded. “Of course...Have a good life, Clara Oswald.”

“You too, Doctor.”Clara stood back, with her hands at her sides as she saw him close the door. A few seconds latter the blue box vanished out of existence and Clara turned around to leave with a sigh.

She had enjoyed that seemingly alien man, he was a delight and so eccentric...She had an inkling that he really was an alien, as if that box of his wasn't enough.

A few seconds later, the same wheezing-groaning sound could be heard and The Doctor opened the door of his big, blue box looking quite disheveled, his hair wild and dark Ray Bans framing those beautiful blue-green eyes of his.

“It's called the T.A.R.D.I.S. by the way….and did I mentioned that it can also travel through time and space?”

“Should've mentioned that first!” Clara said with a smile as she walked towards him.

He tapped his temple. “I've got a rubbish memory sometimes. Well...are you coming?”

“Sure will.” She hurried up and inside, then The Doctor closed the door behind himself with a self satisfied smile but not before watching how her hips swayed as she walked towards the console.


End file.
